PART 2 - The Delicate Balance of In-Between
by Jimmy, June 2, 2001

"What is wrong, Captain Sheridan? Does the garden displease you that much?"

The melodious voice barely betrayed the humor behind the question. Sheridan appreciated the kind effort to lighten his mood but found himself unable to express his gratitude.

"Ambassador Delenn, no, it does not. I was just reminiscing."

"It is a curious thing about humans. That when you finally have the time to sit down and meditate, you always choose the saddest things to remember."

"Not always," Sheridan parried weakly for her observation cut through any defense he might have been able to stir up. He examined the diminutive Minbari sitting across from him. Her brightly colored robes contrasted richly against the fair skin. He still could not figure out the color of her eyes. Sometimes they were green, sometimes gray, sometimes all the shades in-between. And they always managed to leave him tongue-tied.

"Then why the look of sadness?"

Sheridan did not know how to approach a topic that was still so volatile, so painful that he went sleepless for many nights ruminating over it.

"Captain?" Delenn pressed on gently.

"I was thinking about our new doctor, Quietbrook."

"Oh, yes." Delenn smiled. "I haven't met her yet, but I heard great deal about her ... appearance. It seems there's someone in the station who finally managed to steal everyone's attention from myself. I should thank her for the diversion."

Sheridan laughed, "Beano doesn't need your thanks, Ambassador. It comes naturally for her."

"But why would she cause you such discomfort?" Delenn paused for a moment. "Did you know her before she came to Babylon 5?"

Sheridan's body tensed visibly, and Delenn thought he would leave without answering. She became further confused and it played on her face, shaming the man sitting across from her into explaining his behavior.

"I knew her mother, Admiral Hakada. I served under her when I was very young and very foolish."

"I thought you had a spotless record, Captain. Everyone I've met tells me of your great contribution to Earthforce."

"That was after Earthforce dry-cleaned, starched and pressed my reputation. I had some trouble when I came out of the Academy. Did stupid things, got mad at people who deserved better. When I was assigned to Hakada, who was a captain then, I was at the end of my tether."

"What happened?" Delenn asked.

"Admiral Hakada was the best of us, Delenn. To this day, I do not know of anyone who could match her in courage and wisdom." Sheridan's gaze fell into an emotional abyss he dared not touch for years. "She took me under her wing, and then taught me how to fly as the earth saying goes."

"She has passed beyond the veil, then?"

"She was killed at The Battle of the Line."

Delenn now realized his reluctance. The holy war her people declared on the humans had taken its toll, and she wondered how long it would be before the wounds on either side would heal.

"You had strong feelings for her?"

"I would've died for her." Sheridan answered quietly. "Every time she spoke to me, I would record her words, no matter how trivial just to make sure I would never forget. Log Date blah blah blah, Captain Hakada said hello to me on her way to her quarters. Today, Captain Hakada looked at me and asked how my parents were doing. We discussed about the Academy. I would like to say it seems trivial now, but I transferred all my logs on to data crystals before I came here. Listening to them makes me feel better somehow."

"And she is Dr. Quietbrook's mother?"

"Yes, Beano was the youngest in three. The other two ..."

"Died in the War." Delenn finished the sentence. "Is there anyone else left for the doctor?"

"No. There is no one left. Only Beano."

"And you feel the responsibility, don't you, Captain?"

Sheridan nodded, "The Admiral saved my life in more ways than one. Now, her daughter, the last of the Hakadas, is running around in my station, and she resembles her mother more and more every time I see her. I am terrified that I will disappoint the Admiral."

"But how? How could you possibly disappoint her?"

"By failing. By letting all this," Sheridan pointed to the observation deck where the stars shone through, "Come to nothing; by allowing harm to come to her daughter who was the center of her mother's universe. To this day, I would stop myself sometimes, in moments of crisis, and ask myself if the Admiral would approve of my actions. If the answer is no, then I step back and think of another solution."

"She must have been a very wise and very compelling person."

"I believe, if she had lived, she might be President right now. G-d knows, we need someone of her character." Sheridan's shoulders collapsed further. "Nobility had a human name once, Delenn. It was Hakada."

"How did she die?"

"She managed to bring Agincourt to The Line without being detected, but we were no match for your warships. Her fighters were doing the best they could to protect her, but it was useless, as you very well know."

Delenn nodded solemnly.

"Agincourt's reactor went critical. Somehow, and nobody knows how, Hakada successfully maneuvered it through that hell. She set it on a collision course with one of yours. She succeeded, but that decision cost the crew and the Admiral their lives. Her husband was the medical doctor on the ship. He perished with her."

"In Valen's name ..." Delenn whispered.

"None of her fighters survived either. They all died, trying to hold The Line."

"Not one?"

"None. I think they didn't want to live. I suspect when they saw Agincourt go up in flames, they realized we lost the war. And if the Admiral could sacrifice her life so willingly, then so could they."

"Does Earthforce know of her valor?"

"In front of the main building in the Academy, there's a marble block. The name Hakada is chiseled on it, nothing else. No dates, no commemorative words, nothing. It's to remind the cadets that the greatest honor one could possibly earn from Earthforce is not medals, but the knowledge that for as long as Earth stands, Hakada's name will stand alongside it. No need to tell anyone the story of the Admiral's sacrifice, for everyone will automatically know."

Delenn gently reached forth and touched Sheridan's hands. He stared at the human-like face, and the Minbari soul underneath the visage. He tried hard to imagine her as the enemy but failed miserably. He wondered if he was betraying the Admiral in his confusion.

"It's a terrible thing when the younger generation has to feel the lack of the previous one, Captain Sheridan."

Sheridan's eyes widened slightly before he looked away, embarrassed then almost fearful.

"And you're known as Star Killer." Delenn continued. "Nowhere near the equal of the marble monument dedicated to the Admiral."

"I will never apologize for my actions during the War." Sheridan said, "But I cannot help thinking that if I was a little less angry, little less ... scared, I might have been able to do something else. Something that won't haunt me so much ..."

"Something that would have given you another name besides Star Killer?"

Sheridan nodded. "I hate that name, Ambassador. Every time I hear it, I feel like I failed everything she stood for. And the bitter truth is ... if Admiral Hakada was in my place, she would have found another way to destroy The Black Star."

"You have failed no one, Captain, unless you allow yourself to fail. If Admiral Hakada felt you were worthy of her attention, then you must accept her judgment as such. To question that is to question all that is good and decent. There are other things that need probing, Captain. Leave aside the ones that deserve only our gratitude and reverence."

"It's so strange ..."

"That you're talking to a Minbari about the War? Loss is the same whether we're human or Minbari. Pain is the same, it wounds us, scars us, blinds us. Victory is brief, Captain. Loss ... loss can haunt us for a lifetime. You have to learn from it, and ensure that it never happens again to someone else. To do any less would betray all those who sacrificed on our behalf."

"So ... should I put a leash on Beano? Because I'm terrified she's going to come across something on Babylon 5 that's going to mistake her for dinner."

Delenn smiled. "No, but a link might be in order, if only to ease your worries. And I believe Dr. Quietbrook can take care of herself. Coming from such proud heritage, I think she would know what to do in a crisis situation."

"Londo tried to hit on her."

"What happened?" Delenn asked, alarmed. She was only too aware of the Centauri's libido.

"She told him one of the qualities she's looking for in a man is genetic compatibility. From what Vir told me, he didn't take her answer so well."

"She can take care of herself."

"I know she can. But a link, that's a good idea. I'll ask Garibaldi to put a rush on the order. Thanks for listening, Ambassador Delenn. I know this topic is not easy for you either."

Sheridan stood to leave then turned to ask a question. "Did you know Dukhat?"

Delenn nodded sadly. "He was the best of us, Captain Sheridan. And we will grieve for a thousand years for there will never be another like him."

"Do you believe, really believe that we didn't mean to kill him? That it was all a tragic accident?"

"Does it matter, Captain?"

"Yes, it does actually." Sheridan took a deep breath before continuing. "I've heard fantastic things about your leader, but I never knew for sure. However, if he meant that much to you personally, then he must have been what everyone said he was. So, it does matter to me that you believe it was an accident."

"I believe."

"I hope before I die, Ambassador Delenn, that I have your faith and the courage to hold on to it."

"Faith manages, Captain. It needs no help from us."

Sheridan did not answer. He gave a polite bow before returning to his duties. For a moment after his departure, Delenn felt very alone. Then she heard the familiar footsteps of her companion and student.

"Delenn, your presence is requested." The wispy youth said respectfully as he bowed.

She turned to the young acolyte and smiled in honest pleasure. "Lennier."

The young Minbari led her through the maze that was Babylon 5. He stayed faithfully by her side, his focus never wavering from his teacher. Lennier heard the conversation that transpired between Delenn and Sheridan. And the pain in her voice tore deeply in him.

She was the Chosen One. The one Dukhat held above all others. How could the Grey Council treat her so badly? How could they shame her into leaving her own world? Have they become so blind that they are unable to see that she is the strongest of us? She stands between the candle and the star, between the darkness and the light. And I think ... I think she would go to her death to save those who scorned and mocked her. If that happens, then I wish I may never live to see it for my soul would shatter to witness such inequity.

Lennier's visage never betrayed his thoughts. He had long ago learned to control himself by watching Delenn. One of many, many sad lessons the student was forced to learn the day he stepped outside his temple and into a universe filled with equal parts of cruelty and kindness.

* * * * * * * *


"And I know you are wrong, Stephen!" The accusation exploded out of the room as Dr. Franklin stepped outside.

Garibaldi was leaning against the wall, patiently waiting for the doctor to cool down.

"Having problems?" He asked breezily.

Franklin's thunderous expression dissipated the moment he heard the question. "No, she knows I'm right. She's just too proud to admit it."

"If this keeps up, you're going to lose all your employees."

"Not true. Everyone else's just glad that Beano's there to take the blows. If it weren't for her, someone else would be going toe-to-toe with me. They know it, Beano knows it, and most importantly, I know it."

Garibaldi threw something at the doctor. "Sheridan requested Dr. Quietbrook have it ASAP. I think he's worried about her welfare, being new and all."

Dr. Franklin pocketed the link. "Thanks, Garibaldi. I'll give it to her."

"Just try not to shove it down her throat when you do, eh?"

"I'll try my best." Franklin said before he re-entered the Med Lab.

"And another thing!" Beano's voice detonated as soon as the door opened. "That is the most bone-headed ..."

The door mercifully closed shut before Garibaldi could hear the end of the accusation. He took the transfer tube to report back to Captain Sheridan in person, hoping to see Talia Winters before he reached his destination. No such luck.

"Sir, she has the link." He announced as soon as he entered the Captain's office.

"Good, how's she doing?" Sheridan's concern was genuine as was his gratitude that the Chief of Security accepted such a menial task of delivering a link.

"I think she'll do just fine."

-- continued in part three --