PART 3 - Tools of the Light
by Sunraven, Mar 1999

The individual denn-bok matches were to the point that there were only four winners left. Sorat and Tanane were two of them, and both took their opponents out after long protracted battles. Terra decided to come watch when Sorat and Tanane came to the sparring mat. Sorat dwarfed the Ranger, but again Tanane surprised everyone with her abilities. The match lasted about an hour, until Sorat managed to get Tanane pinned in close and her tremendous strength became an advantage. Tanane was knocked unconscious by a fierce blow to the head, which had Terra up and running over with her med kit as soon as it happened.

Terra pushed Sorat out of the way, knelt to examine the Ranger, then pulled out her med scanner.

Durhan was hovering worriedly over her. "Doctor? Is she badly injured?" He turned to Sorat, who had compressed her pike, and scolded. "Someone with your fighting experience should be able to hold her blows better, Sorat. That last hit was needlessly heavy." Tanane was obviously a favorite of the old master.

"Sech Durhan," Neroon stepped in. "Sorat did the only thing she could do to gain victory, considering Tanane's style of fighting. She was in the right to do so."

Terra stood up. "Go argue the fine points of the match somewhere else, you two. I need a gurney here now!" Terra had them take Tanane down to the med facility and x-rayed her for what she already knew was a broken headbone and the skull underneath. Fortunately the crack was not so large that Tanane's life was at stake once proper treatment was done. She treated the Ranger carefully, then left her in the care of the med staff.

Lenann was waiting outside the treatment room along with Durhan. The old master spoke up, "How is Tanane, Terra?"

"She's going to be fine, fortunately. She has a cracked headbone and skull, but it wasn't too bad, and I got treatment for her in time to make sure pressure didn't build up on the brain. She'll be out of any fighting for a week or so, but she should completely recover." The three of them walked out of the med facility after Terra washed her hands. To their surprise, Sorat was waiting outside.

"How is Tanane, Doctor McClare?"

"The blow was dangerous, Alyt Sorat, but she will recover because we got to it in time."

"Thank you for saving her life. She is a talented and honorable opponent."

"I expect that once she comes around, she will appreciate it if you told her that, Alyt."

"I will do so. Fleet Captain Lenann, our match has been scheduled for one standard hour, if that is sufficient?"

"That will be fine, Sorat. I look forward to sparring with you." He bowed, and she returned it and left them.

"If you two don't mind, I need to go meditate and rest after this." She turned to Lenann. "Please don't be hurt, clansman, if I miss your match. In Valen's name, I have hardly any stamina anymore!"

"I will walk you to your quarters, Terra." Lenann said, and he did.

Terra fell asleep after meditating, and slept right through most of Lenann's match with Sorat. It didn't last long, only about an hour and a half, but from what the others said about it later, it was pretty intense. Sorat pressed Lenann mercilessly, though the denn-bok master controlled the fight with skill and finesse. In the end he appeared to just lightly tap her on the headbone and the warrior dropped like a stone. In her case she didn't have a cracked skull because Lenann knew just where to hit to knock her out while doing a minimum of physical damage. She revived fairly quickly and got up and bowed her respect to the Religious Caste Master.

Terra ate dinner quietly in her quarters as she didn't want to listen to the detailed rehash that she knew was going on about the contests in Chakur's quarters. Lenann had wanted to stay with her, but she had told him to go with Durhan and Neroon, and that she would join him later for her night of reflection. She worked quietly on her research, and meditated a bit, and rested in preparation for the long night ahead.

The door chime sounded and Sorat came in, surprising Terra quite a bit. The Alyt had carefully avoided having any solitary contact with her since she had come on board.

"Alyt Sorat. To what do I owe this visit?" Terra said in a neutral voice.

"Satai Neroon has asked me to stay with him for a night of reflection, and I wished to ask you why you are allowing it. You do not like me, and I have threatened you. Why should you allow this?"

"It isn't a question of allowing it, Alyt Sorat. I requested that Neroon ask you to share this night with him. You have been his friend for many years, and you wish for his happiness. I couldn't ask for more in a partner for him on this night. You understand and honor those sides of his personality that I have been refusing to see, and because of that understanding, you were the correct choice."

The Alyt still looked rather confused, but she just bowed and left again. Before too long Lenann came in. "Terra, is it time?"

"Yes, Lenann. But I would ask a favor of you."

"What?"

"Can you take a shuttle out and leave it on autopilot, or something, so that you can help me reflect?"

"Yes, I can. Why?"

"Because I want to be away from the Ingata for this night, and that is the only way I know to do it. I…I feel as though I need some emotional and mental space, and the ship is too closely quartered for that."

Lenann made the arrangements, and escorted Terra out to the shuttle. He fired it up, and smoothly took it out to the stars. Turning it to face the Ingata, he placed it on autopilot, and turned to her with a smile.

"Is this sufficiently far?"

Nodding, she unstrapped herself and came up to the front viewport. She meditated for a few moments on the view of the Ingata in all its deadly loveliness floating in its backdrop of stars. The beauty and the deadliness were part and parcel to the ship, much like Neroon's personality. Then she turned to her clansman, who was standing closely behind her, offering his silent support.

"Ledann, what am I going to do with Neroon? Having him this close for so long has done untold damage to my control of my empathic gift. Being with him turns me into someone I don't recognize, or am even sure I like very much!"

He drew her into his arms, instinctively sensing her need for comfort. "Terra, you're a very loving person. You would still care for Neroon if you were to remain his friend. And I know him. He would still care for you as well. Perhaps marriage isn't the answer for the two of you."

"Aren't people who care for each other this much supposed to get married?" She asked in a small voice, her face leaning against his chest.

"Not if the marriage would do untold damage to one or the other of the couple. When I first joined the two of you, I was surprised at how you had seemed to change from when you were with Ledann. With Ledann you seemed serene, centered in your soul. You rarely lost your temper, and laughed and smiled so much that your joy of life brought out that joy in me, and others around you. You and he were like the flame, and the rest of us were like insects trying to reach that flame. Your empathic gift gave us all great joy when you projected your love for him and your peace of heart. You shared a lovely and rare experience with your friends and loved ones."

Leaning into his arms, she once again turned to look at the Ingata. "Now I feel as though I am surrounded by annoyances, by violence, and by strong emotions. Neroon makes me soar to the highest heights of my spirit, and also makes me show more negative emotions than I even thought I was capable of having. He makes me want to kill to protect him. I've never felt that before. It is horrible! Even when the Earther Psi Corps tried to arrest me and take control of my gift, I never wanted to kill anyone, though I managed to convince them that I would. Ledann, I actually wanted to feel Ran's heart stop beating, to cause that stoppage myself. That memory will haunt me for the rest of my life, I think."

Lenann didn't say anything for a few minutes. He just held her closely, smelled the perfume of her hair, and offered his support.

Onboard the Ingata, Neroon and Sorat were standing in his quarters looking out the view port at the stars in much the same position as Terra and Lenann. He had his arm around her shoulders, and his spirit was sad as he gazed out into the blackness of the night.

"I've loved her since the peace talks, Sorat, even though I knew it was wrong. She is so different from our people, yet so similar as well. The differences were exciting, and the similarities were comfortable. She could stand up to me like the best of our caste, a fighter in her heart, and then turn this amazing gentleness of spirit on me that made me declare my surrender before the battle was even engaged. I have never before felt so unbalanced with a female, with the possible exception of Delenn, of course. She always drives me crazy!"

"I think I saw, though I don't know Doctor McClare well, Neroon, that gentleness of spirit in her when she showed me Sterenn's denn-bok. She cares for you greatly. Yet her empathy causes her to reflect what we give to her, and the fighting spirit may very well be a reflection of your own. It must be a terrible curse to not be able to be yourself around others. She must be hanging on to her inner soul by her fingernails at all times."

He drew her to the couch, looking at his friend closely. "Do you agree with Relinn that I would be harmful to her with regards to her hanging on to her inner soul?"

The warrior's gray eyes looked into the Satai's brown ones. "I do not know, Neroon. I am not good at understanding Religious Caste concepts. I find it difficult to imagine how your love would be anything but positive, but I am a warrior at heart. What I do find difficult to understand is how anyone who had your love could even consider for a moment giving it up. To be offered such a gift, and then to scorn it?" She shook her head. "Do you agree with Satai Relinn?"

With a sadness that tore at the stout heart of the Alyt, Neroon said, "Yes. I think that the facts have been there, and both Terra and I have not wished to notice them. Or she did notice them, but allowed me to run over her doubts, because of her feelings for me. I love her, and I need her, and in my love for her I am destroying her spirit, piece by piece. My love has been more of a curse than a gift for her, I'm afraid."

She only sat there silently, offering her comfort and support. They both knew the truth, and denying it was not logical.

Back on the shuttle, Terra and Lenann had sat back down in the passenger seats, arm in arm. Lenann, who had been arguing with himself on whether to say what was in his heart, finally decided to speak.

"Terra, there is a subject I wish to discuss with you, and this time of reflection seems an appropriate time to bring it up. Do you have knowledge of a tradition of my people called Srin'hardhan?"

"Kin marriage?" She translated, "No. I've never heard of it. Why?"

"It is a tradition from the time before Valen, when our people were constantly fighting and killing each other. When a person was killed, the clan provided someone to offer marriage to the surviving spouse, in order to give emotional and physical support, and to honor the departed spouse. Usually it was a brother or sister of the deceased. The widowed one could, of course, refuse the gift, but the offer was made anyhow." He took her hand, brought it to his breast, and bowed his head. "Ledann was as a brother to me, as you know. I would like to offer myself to you in the spirit of Srin'hardhan, Terra, if you will have me."

"You're proposing to me?" The shock in her voice brought his face up to look at her, hurt balancing on the edge of his eyes. "But I don't sense that you're in love with me, Lenann."

"I do love you, Terra. Very much. I haven't given you my heart, that is true. Because Neroon has been between us, and my oath and feelings for him go deeply. But it will happen, it is only a matter of time. I already care for you deeply, and feel that you return my affections."

"I do, you sweet man. But marriage, I mean, what if you finally do find someone you fall in love with? Don't you want to be available to court her? "

"No. I want no one else but you. I have been attracted to other females, but have found none that stir my soul the way you do. My only concern is that, as I am a warrior like Neroon, will I cause the same problems that his love has for you?"

"You're nothing like Neroon, Lenann. You're more like Ledann, though you are a warrior. It must be the Religious Caste upbringing that is the difference. Your spirit is somehow calmer than Neroon's is." She caressed his face affectionately. "You're sure about this?"

"Yes. I had discussed the possibility with Sherissa when Lenann was first killed, but you mourned so deeply, and,…and you always cried every time I came near you, so I said nothing until now." His old hurt at her reaction to him after the murder, when he was only trying to offer and receive comfort as clanmembers should, stung her senses. She put her arms around him in response.

"And why now? Why at this time, Lenann?"

"Because you are reflecting on your future tonight, Terra. It seemed appropriate to add this possibility to your possible futures. I don't expect an answer tonight. I just wanted to include this choice before you make a decision."

"I will need time to adjust to this, I'm afraid. But I do agree, out of caring for you and Sherissa, to consider your proposal." Her eyes turned back to the beautiful dangerous Ingata. "I'm afraid that I have come to a decision about Neroon. And it saddens me more than I thought possible."

"You are not going to marry him?"

"No. I can't. I have enough trouble keeping aware of who I am inside as it is. With him, it is impossible. But I don't want to hurt him, Lenann!"

"Terra, give my brother some credit. I think he will come to the same conclusion as you have done. He does love you very much, and hurting you would not be acceptable to him. He has a generous heart."

"Yes, he does. I think that's why I fell for him in the first place. He's so unlike the others from his caste."

"Yes. I have always suspected that he was born with a Religious Caste heart and soul. But I decided I wanted to live a while longer, and so have never told him so." He laughed, and soon she joined him.

* * * * * * *

The long night was over. The shuttle hovered in the bay, landed, then the bay pressurized. Lenann and Terra came down the ramp, and both were surprised to see Neroon at the bay airlock door. Lenann bowed to both of them, then left them alone.

"I'm surprised to see you here."

"Well, I found out that Lenann took the shuttle out, and decided to wait for you." His eyes held a sadness that tore her heart to shreds.

"Shall we go to my quarters, then, and talk?"

"I think we need to." They didn't talk as they made their way to her quarters.

Once inside, Terra turned to him and said, "I have come to a decision about your proposal."

He answered, "As have I."

"You have? What decision have you come to?"

"Terra, I would withdraw my request. Though I wish more than life itself to have you as my mate, I realize that my love will destroy your spirit. I care for you too much to have that happen. Will you allow me to withdraw it?"

She smiled a little, though silver tears flowed down her face. "Lenann predicted that you would say this. Yes, Neroon, I will allow you to withdraw your request. But I will never allow you to withdraw your friendship. We are bonded souls, Neroon, and caring for you has brought me much joy." Then she threw herself into his strong arms, and wept like someone had died. He only held her tight, keeping his own pain inside as was the warrior caste way.

The sad moment was broken by the alarm klaxxon sounding loudly up and down the corridor. The Ingata had finally come in contact with the beings it pursued. Neroon quickly ran to the command bridge, Terra following closely.

The time had come to find the truth!

 

Part 4: Shadows of darkness await, so let's go kick some butt.

Go to Tools of The Light, Part 4