MOR'DA'DHUM By Sunraven Summary: This is a tale of the Anla Shok when Jeffrey Sinclair was Entil'Zha. It involves a young worker caste Minbari Ranger trainee, Sallot, who undergoes the Mor'da'dhum - the application of terror. Entil'Zha Sinclair walked into the weapons training room. The middle level class was broken up into pairs and sparring with the Denn-bok. Sech Durhan saw him and came over from where he had been watching them with the jaundiced eye of the extremely experienced martial arts instructor. He bowed. "Entil'Zha" "Sech Durhan. I am quite impressed with the skill of these students. They are only midlevel, are they not?" "Yes they are. As a group, they are quite good for their training level. I don't usually take over the training myself until a group reaches senior level, but this group required an exception." "Yes, I can see that. You said you wished to speak to me about something. Is this convenient, or should we wait for another time?" "No, this is fine. They will be sparring for the next half hour or so. We can talk in the hall." Together they moved into the corridor. "I wish to speak to you about one of our junior level recruits. His name is Sallot, do you remember him from the orientation?" The elderly Minbari asked. "Isn't he a Worker Caste from the clan Sidah'l?" "Yes. That is him. He has shown a weakness that I feel must be applied to the Mor'da'Dhum, but I wanted to consult with you first." "He has only been with us a few months. I'm surprised anything has shown up this soon." "It is unusual for it to show up this soon, but since what is causing the fear happened to him as a child, the stress of his training has brought it out. He has been waking up with nightmares in the middle of the night for several weeks now. We had a telepath scan him and she found that his clan is a mining clan, and when he was a small child, he was caught in a cave-in that killed several members of his family. He was in there two days with the bodies of his family while rats chewed on pieces of his body, before he was rescued." Jeff's eyes showed his intense compassion for the young trainee. "Has he had enough training to get him through the Mord'da'dhum, Durhan? Such a strong triggering incident could have caused some significant damage." "I am not sure, Jeffrey, but I do know that it is going to be very difficult to continue with his training without him facing this. He is intensely claustrophobic, and we will not be able to get him into a one-man fighter if it continues. We have no choice, in my opinion." "Have him sent to me, Sech Durhan. I will broach the subject with him to see how he takes it. I will make a decision on whether or not to go ahead after that." "Thank you, Entil'Zha." Sallot came nervously into the Entil'Zha's office. Jeff had to smile as he remembered being called into the Principal's office when he went to Loyola College. Father Brighton had been an ancient Jesuit, and even though he was at least eight inches shorter than Jeff, he could instill terror into the most sinful heart. "Entil'Zha, Sech Durhan said that you wanted to see me?" "Yes, Sallot. He has mentioned the nightmares you've been having." The young Minbari flushed in embarrassment. "Yes sir. Though I'm sure they will wear off once I get used to being here." "Do you remember the accident that is the cause of these nightmares?" Surprised, Sallot answered, "Barely, sir. I was only four years old when it happened." Jeff leaned forward. "Sech Durhan feels that you need to undergo the Mord'da'dhum. Do you understand what that means?" "I... I think so, Entil'Zha. The application of terror is a process whereby a seeker can become one with his inner fears, so that they no longer hold any power over him." "You have got it right, Sallot, but do you really comprehend what it means for you? You will be put into a situation similar to the one that caused the fear the first time. Then you will be forced to overcome the fears that come out, or at least, as a very wise woman I once knew put it, you will need to make friends with them. You can not continue with your training as a Ranger if you do not face these fears." "Yes, Entil'Zha. I am prepared to undergo the Mord'da'dhum whenever you and Sech Durhan wish me to. To be a Ranger is something I have wanted to be for a long time, and I will do what it takes to become one." "Even if there is a chance that you could lose your sanity, Sallot? For a terror as deeply ingrained as the one you will face, that chance must be considered." The young man looked at his Entil'Zha. "Yes, I am prepared to face Mord'da'dhum, even if I should lose my sanity or my life in doing so." Jeff nodded. "Then so be it. I will accompany you and Sech Durhan and your fellow Rangers to escort you to face your Mord'da'dhum." "I... I am greatly honored, Entil'Zha." Jeff, Durhan, and six graduated Rangers followed Sallot to the ancient catacombs below Tuscanor. The young trainee had survival rations for three days with him. The group escorted him down dank, dark holes and tunnels until they came to what looked like an ancient dungeon. There they locked him in, taking their lights with them as they left. The stifling dark and the scurrying of rats started beating down on Sallot like mortal denn-bok blows. He screamed in defiance to the demons in his heart, "I am a Ranger. I walk in the dark places where no one will travel. I stand on the bridge so that no one may pass. I live for the One, I die for the One. Entil'Zha Veni!" After the words of light shined through the darkness, the dark came back even stronger, pressing against his lungs to crush the breathing from them. Then, as though on cue, an animal came and climbed on Sallot. He screamed and brushed the thing off of him. I would be a very long three days. Three days later, Durhan, Jeff, and the same six Rangers came with lights to the room that Sallot had been locked into. They called his name, but he didn't answer. Once they got the door open, they took their lights into the dungeon. Sallot lay there in the darkness, as still as a corpse. But there was breath left in his body. Pulling back his eyelids, Jeff saw the catatonic stare of them. He looked up at Durhan, an agonized look on his handsome face. "I think he's catatonic, Durhan. What have we done?" "What needed to be done, Entil'Zha. What Sallot agreed to do. Though the terror in this case was not stronger than his brave heart, it must have been stronger than his mind." Later, Durhan came into to Jeff's office. The old one's face suddenly looked his age, every 160 cycles of it. "We have notified Sallot's family, Entil'Zha, and have sent him to the Sisters of Valeria. They will care for him, perhaps they can bring his spirit back from wherever it has wandered. But the physician who saw him does not expect that he will come back. I have put his name on the rolls of those who have gone into the darkness with bravery and dignity. He will be honored and remembered as long as the Anla Shok exists. His name will carry much honor. Jeff's face suddenly looked as old as Durhan's. "My friend, I have seen too much death and injury in my life. I am beginning to wonder whether honor is worth the sacrifices that we give it. Sometimes it seems like a hungry beast that wants more and more, even if it is just fed, never to be satisfied." "Jeff, with out honor, we are not worthy to live life. I share your sorrow for young Sallot. But he would not have had this any other way, and thus he gave his life, and his death, meaning. All of us who follow the light can only hope to have the same courage that he used to face the stealer of courage in his heart." The End